life

Hi all,

I know I have been gone for a while now.  To be honest, I find it hard to keep up with the blog and my YouTube channel at the same time. Mind you, I still work two jobs, have a life and go to school! *Shrug*.  I need to prioritize my life, in order to keep the blog alive.

In any case, I really wanted to write a post.  I turn 23 today. However, I no longer “celebrate” my birthday. January, in general, is a really tough month for me.  My father passed away 3 years ago. I was really close to him, so it is still extremely hard for me to deal with it.  I usually refrain from doing ANYTHING that entire month. I know it might not be healthy, but it is how I express my grief. He passed away between January 12 and January 17, 2010. How can that be, you might wonder.

Remember that massive earthquake that took place in Haiti in 2010? Well, my dad was one of the unfortunate souls that passed away. He was at work when it happened. He worked downtown Port-Au-Prince and the building collapsed with him trapped inside. We, my family and I, were so hopeful until the very end. On January 17^th, after 5 days of digging through the rumbles, my mom finally found his body. I never got to see it nor have I been to his funeral. My mom buried him the same day as the body was already in such bad shape. She didn’t want to wait for us to make travel arrangement as planes were barely flying in Haiti at that point. My mom was fortunate enough to even be able to bury him because there we no more spots to bury anyone in a cemetery. She was reserving this spot for my grandmother, who was sick at the time, so she was able to use it for my father.

Needless to say, I lost part of me that week. I was bitter for the longest time. Out of all the people that survived, why couldn’t he? Maybe God works in mysterious ways, but the pain that I felt then and still feels now is truly inexplicable. I remember being so angry then, yet devastated at the same time. I was angry at God, simply put. How can he allow something like this?  I just couldn’t stop thinking about all the families that were affected, all the people mourning, and an entire country in so much pain! I’ve learn to let my anger go, however, or it would have just taken over me. I learned to trust God, as he wouldn’t put us through anything that we wouldn’t be able to handle.

I don’t think I will ever be able to celebrate another birthday while dealing with something like this. To be honest, I just try to keep myself busy. I made my first YouTube video back in January 12, 2010 in order to take my mind off of things. I never really speak about my experience but today, I’ve decided to share it with you all.

Thank you for reading!

♥

..xo

-J

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